"I'M BETTER THAN YOU"

I'VE BEEN THINKING A LOT ABOUT THIS...

When you're in a group, how do you feel? Do you automatically look around and measure yourself against every other person? Do you automatically look to see where you fit in, and stick close to where you feel comfortable?

I was at an event last weekend, and this is what I did. I walked in, late, and automatically decided I was going to stick with my sister because, well, she's my sister. I felt confident when I walked in, but I had looked up to the women who were there that I knew, and the ones I didn't know seemed way better than me. They all were pretty healthy, and very pretty, and I just felt like they know what they're doing in life. I obviously don't.

At first, though, I felt comfortable, my recent transformation of self love and weight loss had told me I was worthy and that I was valuable. As the event progressed, however, I felt more and more out of place. Like I was a starfish pretending to be a star and now I was around actual stars for the first time ever since pretending to be a star, and I just knew they could see that I wasn't actually a star.

As the event came to a close, I wanted to just disappear into my feelings of separateness and despair. The worthiness I felt in the beginning bubbled under these feelings, so I knew it was true, but I also knew that I needed to work out this belief and this feeling of not-enoughness that I was feeling. My instinct was to run and deal with these feelings on my own because it had nothing to do with them.

Before I could leave, my sister spotted the look in my eyes, that on-the-verge-of-crying look. She asked me what was wrong, and I didn't want to tell her. So I vaguely told her that it was just old beliefs coming up that I needed to work through. They had nothing to do with anyone else, I just needed to work it out on my own.

Then came a hug. And then I started bawling my eyes out because I knew that it was untrue. The belief that I was unworthy of being there, or not enough is untrue. Pretty soon, I am blubbering telling my sister how I felt. Thank God for sisters, seriously,. They are truly Angels in disguise.

Then comes another hug. And I can't help myself, I tell them how I felt. And how I know its BS but it was just so THERE and it doesn't apply, but the feelings of it were so intense. We started talking about that instinct to run away and to hide and reject first so we don't get rejected.

I wasn't alone.

In that moment, what we realized is that we all have different things that we get stuck on. Some of us have a physical aspect that is visible to everyone and because we can't hide it, we feel like we are exposed as a damn fool even though we have other areas where we have made strides in that others haven't yet.

Vulnerability is so hard sometimes. Exposing your insecurities or things that you know you can improve on is so hard! Especially when you grew up thinking that you had to be perfect to be good enough, if you had anything that wasn't exactly as it should be you were not good enough.

I wanted to share this with you guys because I know this is such a prominent thing in our society. Pretend you're always good, especially because you're better than some people, and you don't want them to think there's something wrong with you. If there is something wrong with you, you're not enough, and you won't be able to succeed. Don't get fat because then people will be able to see what is going on inside. You must smile all the time because iff you don't they'll be able to tell there is something wrong with you. Heaven forbid, DO NOT EVER cry in public. That would be the end for you.

Its time to n0rmalize the fact that everyone has problems. It's time to reject the idea that there is anything wrong with any of us just because we have problems. There are things that even the most successful, skinny, rich, powerful, add word here person is insecure about or needs to work on.

The only difference is the place we fall on the broad spectrum and our individual abilities and gifts. THAT IS IT.

The title was to get your attention. I know I am no better than anyone than they are better than me. There is no such thing as being BETTER than someone else. It is literally just something that was created by whoever to make themselves feel better about the insecurities they do have.

So if you think anyone is better than you, or you think you're better than anyone else, write down why you feel the need to label yourself in that way. You are the one with the answers. And please remember, YOU are worthy YOU are amazing. YOU are brilliant. YOU are a valuable part of a big picture. I love you.